"I've never been more homesick than now..."

Well the past 4 or 5 days have been full of odd sleeping patterns and a couple of shed tears. The sleep pattern has probably sorted itself out by now - as this morning was my first morning waking up at a decent hour; it was 8:40 when I looked at my cellphone.

Now most of you are groaning, saying "I wish THAT was a normal wake up time for me"...but honestly, when the previous three nights were 6:30, 4:30 and 5:30, waking up at 8:40 is a WELCOME thing when that is my normal wake up time on a regular working day (hey, youth work doesn't happen in the mornings!).

The shed tears have been mostly when I'm talking to people on MSN from back home. Or reading encouraging emails from people from my church (thank you Marie, Steve and Christa). Or replying to those emails. Or thinking about my family and friends that seem to have grown up so much even in the past 5 months.

Okay so I've been crying a lot.

I know that I've always wanted to come to New Zealand and try to make a living for myself...to see the sights and hear the sounds and pet a koala (which, I learned, you won't find here unless at a zoo). I've wanted to meet Lucy Lawless and visit the gardens where that woman was murdered by her daughter and daughter's best friend (yes, morbid, I know...but interesting). I've wanted to see a kiwi (the bird, not the fruit) in real life and actually succeed in my quest for the ever-elusive blue duck.

Anyways, what I'm saying is that I'm only probably feeling this down because I feel like I have been here for so long and haven't done anything that I really wanted to do, besides youth work. And I do realize that the youth work is probably the most important thing I could do here, but I want to take time to do something for me. And I can't without a lot of money and a little extra time. I say I need a lot of money to do it because petrol prices are through the roof, and I don't trust my car to go where I would want for it to go. I want to see New Zealand, and right now all New Zealand is to me is this central-sou-western area of the whole country...and a bit of the Auckland airport. I just feel like I haven't done any "me" things...but I suppose that may be selfish.

Well anyways...that's sort of my rant for the day. You'll notice that I've been pretty down since being back from Canada, which is understandable. And I know that when December comes I'll be just as sad to leave here and will think "where did the time go?" (I've heard people tell me that enough for it to be engrained in my head)...but for now I am just going to be honest and say that I want to come home.

I guess that's the end for now. Sorry to make this so depressing. I'll live.

"I left the contents of my stomach in San Francisco"

Okay so I forgot to write down my crazy flight happenings into San Francisco!

Well as we were coming in over some massive lake-type thing to land on the runway, I noticed that the runway literally started at the edge of the water with absolutely no land or fence between water and where the pilot expected to land the plane...

I was literally waiting for the always-fun bump when hitting the ground, seeing that we were merely FEET from the ground...no more than 10 feet...when the strangest thing happened.

All of a sudden the pilot, like, BLARES the jets and the plane starts taking back off into the air!!!

We all sat around looking slightly uncomfortable as the pilot sharply turned the plane around and started back towards where we just flew in from. Once we were safely in the air going in the OPPOSITE direction of the airport, the captain FINALLY came on (seems like it took forever) the speakerphone and said "Sorry about that, ladies and gentleman. We just had to take a misapproach because we encountered a pretty severe windshear just before landing and will now attempt to land one more time. Should only be about 3 or 4 more minutes before we get you on the ground."

Okay so there are a few things that stood out to me in that little schpeel...

1. The completely nonchalant way he said "Sorry 'bout that, ladies and gentlemen" as though what just happened was no big deal. I mean seriously, most people were probably jumping out of their skin having no idea what happened! At least he could have added a little humour to lighten it up if it really wasn't so bad...something like "Whew! That was close! I just about landed you in Tokyo!" I mean, I supposed pilots are supposed to remain calm but when he sounds so serious, it makes us all think that he NEEDS to sound calm and collected.

2. "We encountered a pretty severe windshear just before landing..."
here were my thoughts in return:
"Well didn't you know about it BEFORE?!"
"Will it happen AGAIN?"
"Is this a common thing? Not being able to land in San Fran because of windshear?"
"What the hang is windshear?!?!"
"What would have happened had they landed anyways - was I just 10 feet away from my certain death?!"
...of course I wasn't thinking these things "seriously", as in I was really panicking. Apparently I don't have much of a trust issue when it comes to putting my life in the hands of "experts". At least if landing in windshear was a bad idea, he knew how to get us out of it!

3. "Should be only about 3 or 4 more minutes before we get you on the ground"
Okay so THIS is the LEAST of my worries at this point. Whoever felt that little jolt and burst of jet engine thought "Ugh! Gosh! When is this stupid pilot ever going to land this plane? I have a manicure in 30 minutes!" IS FREAKIN INSANE! I mean, I've flown quite a bit in the past 4 years, and I've never encountered something like this. Because of my own personal experience, it leads me to believe that this is NOT a common thing that happens! And of course, since I am in my own little world and the only statistics that matter are the ones in my head, I am right in that belief. If anyone has actually experienced that enough to be able to be worried about the timing (besides the pilot himself), I suggest they get a new job where they spend more time at home with their families.

So that is my San Francisco story. I maybe could have come 10 feet away from my own death while reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time". Not exactly my ideal form of literature to head out of this world while reading...which is probably why we were saved from almost a certain untimely (sort of) end.

This is pretty random, ain't it? Ha.

This whole thing makes me sound like I was actually worried during the little "misapproach", when really I was mostly thinking "Well this is interesting"...it wasn't until I got off the plane and started processing what the pilot actually said that I started wondering what in the world had happened. I was too distracted by the fun feeling coming back in my tummy like on a rollercoaster to even think about the fact that it could have been more serious than I thought.

And then the sarcasm starts. And there you have it.

Ouch

A question asked by one of the youth I thought enjoyed coming to "The Edge":

"Hey tonight are we going to do that ceremony talking thing that you always do? Coz I really dislike that..."

Hmm. Just a little discouraging.

Invercargill Airport (written offline, copied and pasted in Te Anau)

Okay, so I have probably landed the sweetest deal ever! I have just gotten back into New Zealand after over 24 hours worth of flights.

Well that may not sound very exciting, but let me assure you that there is much more to this story. Let’s start from the time that I checked in for all of my flights in Toronto.

I checked in, asking for a window seat as close to the front as possible (I do it like that because even though I know it won’t get me anywhere all that much faster, I like to be off the plane itself and out of the crowd as soon as I can). They gave me a pretty good spot on each of my flights and I hoped and prayed that at least I would have the middle seat free on the long flight so I could be a little more comfortable (it’s easier to stretch the legs when you have room beside you to take up someone else’s leg space that isn’t there).

Well on the first flight, there was an empty seat between me and my neighbour, and I was also in the 12th row of an airbus, meaning that I was in the first row of regular seats behind business class. This means extra leg room (ha, like I need it) to stretch the legs a little. I watched the movie “Firewall” and caught 2 hours of sleep before landing.

Let me go back and say that I bought a book that looked pretty good before I got on the plane in Toronto, called “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”. I read bits and pieces of this before taking off in Toronto and during the flight to LA.

I then came through customs at San Francisco airport with no hassle at all, making it to my gate exactly 15 minutes before we boarded. It was enough time to obviously write a little blog, as you all know. Well I got on the flight, seeing that there were not very many people waiting at the gate to get on the plane, and when I got to my seat (39K), no one was sitting in the entire group of seats. I sat down and waited, though not many people came on board after I did.

So yes, you may have guessed it, I ended up on an almost-13-hour flight with an entire row of seats to myself!!! Okay seriously now, it may not sound that interesting, but if you think about the details of the greatness in this situation, it’s really quite wonderful. I had a window seat, so I could lean against the wall and sleep. When I sat up, I could raise the arm rest and keep my legs in a more comfortable position for any woman (knees slightly apart) rather than being squished and achy in the hips. I had room to stretch out and sit sideways and even lay down to sleep on the seats (my legs could go to full extension without even coming close to blocking the walkway on the plane). Finally, if I needed to go pee or to walk around a bit, I didn’t have to ask a SINGLE person to get out of my way. I didn’t have to worry about disturbing anyone or crawling over them or anything! Not to mention the on-Demand television system for the times I couldn’t sleep.

But there was no problem sleeping. I had slept for at least 9-10 hours on that flight. That is officially more sleep than I got on any given night while I was at home. I didn’t watch a single movie (ok I lied – I finished watching “Last Holiday” that I started on my way FROM New Zealand a week and a half ago while we ate dinner)…I slept directly after dinner (JUST as they were turning the lights off) and fully woke up right before breakfast (JUST as they turned the lights BACK on)…and honestly, I didn’t know the lights were going on and off…it was like they were suited to my intentions or something…coz I snuggled in and laid down for about 15 seconds before the lights went off, and I finally opened my eyes and forced myself to wake up…and then about 10 seconds later they turned the lights back on. So great.

I watched 2 episodes of the Simpsons and an episode of Dharma and Greg while eating breakfast and getting ready for landing (when I woke up, there was exactly 2 hours left until landing).

I got into Auckland, checked through customs quickly (because I’m a New Zealand resident, I could go to the shorter line this time), got my bag and went through Biosecurity without a single problem or hassle, and made it to the domestic baggage transfer exactly 5 minutes before they cut it off and would have made me take my bags *with* me to the other terminal. I took the inter-terminal bus to the domestic terminal, found an internet accessible computer and took a quick breather before going back through security to get to my own gate.

I charged my phone for exactly 10 minutes just to get enough juice in it to send a quick message to Iain…and then heard over the PA that Dunedin’s runway was iced over and that we would likely be going to Invercargill instead.

Those who aren’t in New Zealand would think this is a burden…but no-siree it was not! Invercargill is only an hour and a half’s drive from Te Anau, and if I were to land in Dunedin, I would have to wait 4 hours for the bus to get there, and then take at least a 4-5 hour bus ride home…

I texted Iain again telling him that I would be in Invercargill, likely, and he said he’d come by and pick me up coz it’s way closer. So on the flight from Auckland I read the rest of my book that I bought, and just over Dunedin we were officially informed that Invercargill would be the detour, and that people would be bussed back to Dunedin.

Well that wouldn’t make sense for me, so I asked if I could get off and get my baggage here…they said they’d try but couldn’t see a problem with it. But turns out there were more people than just me and it would take forever to go through bags to figure out whose were going and whose were staying on the plane. So they said that we could stay on the plane with our baggage, or take the chance that our baggage may come back to Invercargill later on…

I got off. I figured it was easier just to be here myself – besides I have clothes at Rae’s and a toothbrush in my back pack. I have my laptop and cellphone and I’m pretty sure I just want to get home rather than take a huge detour.

Well turns out that the people on the flight couldn’t even get bussed to Dunedin because the road is closed between here and there. So they’re going to Christchurch and waiting until they can get to Dunedin. HA! It’s kinda funny really, but I feel bad for them. I know that it’s inconvenient to not have my bag with me until tomorrow or later, but I’m honestly not worried about it. I just want to go home and be at the centre when the kids get there after school. They will have my bags back in Invercargill rather than all the way in Dunedin…and from Invercargill I’ll probably just have it couriered to Te Anau, coz it would only take a day (unless it’s real expensive…then I’ll just come get it myself…but if it’s anything less than 40 bucks to courier it, it would be worth it because petrol is darned expensive).

So that’s everything that’s happened. I forgot to mention that my phone JUST had enough juice to tell Iain that I for sure would need a ride home from Invercargill…and then as soon as I said “Thank you”, the battery completely died on me.

God really has been going ahead of me on this trip – everything has worked out so perfectly for me. It’s easy to see that I was meant to come home for Nicki’s wedding, because everything about the trip has worked out better than I could ever have imagined.

Now I just can’t wait to get my KD back…but at least I can say that my bag had been to Christchurch, even though I’ve never been!

The End. For now.

In New Zealand

Well greetings from Auckland, New Zealand!

My flight to Dunedin is boarding in 20 minutes and everything has gone more than smoothly so far! I have made every flight on time, got a window seat the whole way and I even got the opportunity to sleep for a good 10 hours on the flight here from LA.

That is officially more than I've slept at all each night while I was at home.

But it was really great - all I have is one more flight and then a bus ride home. The great part is that I feel really refreshed and like I haven't been flying very long at all! My flights so far have been 5 hours and then 12 and 3/4 hours...and I've slept a total of 12 hours so far out of them, and watched an hour and a half of tv and an hour and a half of movies so I've only sat bored really for the parts where tv's can't run (during take off and landing).

Now I hope I can relax and stay awake on the flight to Dunedin because I still have at least a 3 hour wait and a 5 hour bus ride to get back to Te Anau after that...

Anyways, I should be going so I will catch y'all later. Take care and you'll hear about my great flight adventures when I get back to the office tomorrow or so.

Miss everyone!

ps

oh yeah and this is a reminder to myself to tell about the fun landing in san francisco...YIKES!

A quick continuation...

ACK I just came back to finish this blog and now they're calling all passengers for my flight.

But real quick - I'm just realizing why it is that Emma has a general rule that people on onSite can't go home for visits or anything coz it really IS very, VERY hard to be leaving again...

I am hoping that things will go more smoothly with conflict when I get back...honestly I'm not really up for having to deal with any tension during the upcoming likely very emotional week.

I should run...don't wanna miss the flight!

Love and miss you all back home...can't wait to see you again in December!!!

Congratulations Nicki and Keith. I'm so happy for the both of you. I really am. Thanks for everything.

More Travelling...

Okay well I'm at San Francisco airport right now, waiting for my flight to Auckland to board...

I had a very, VERY busy 8 days and 9 nights at home...I got to see lots of my youth and church people, as well as some old friends and of COURSE the wedding was absolutely beautiful.

To be honest I don't know when they plan to board the plane so I may have to cut it short and run real quickly if I hear them starting to call people to the gate. I am NOT looking forward to the upcoming flight - yet another 11 or 12 hour flight. Hopefully I'll sleep this time.

But the worst thing is that when I get into Dunedin, I have to wait like 4 hours for my bus to leave for Te Anau, and then I have like at least a 5-6 hour bus ride on the way home. How terrible is that? 24 hours of flights and then another 10 hours of waiting and bussing...

BUT THAT'S OKAY beacuse the trip home to see my beautiful Nicki getting married is worth every last gruelling travelling moment.

However, I have seen first hand why it is often not allowed for onSiters to ...

Ooops gotta go...I will continue perhaps in Auckalnd.

Home

Well I got home on Sunday night around 12:40 after landing in Toronto, driving home, and finding a Wendy's (because they hadn't fed me on the plane since breakfast, my time). I gave my family their souveniers and stayed up talking with Mike for a little while before trying to get some sleep.

I had been running on FAR too much adrenaline, though, and could not sleep most of the night, even after only having 2 hours of sleep on the 24 hour plane ride. I went to bed at 2 and woke up at 8, bright eyed and bushy tailed on Monday morning. I spent the day trying to recover; I made breakfast, sat down with dad for a wee while and talked, and then tried out my driving skills by going to the bank to exchange my money for Canadian.

My cousin Libby lives with us, in case I hadn't mentioned that before, and she had missed that morning of school after having stayed up really late to come pick me up from the airport. I had to drive her to school for the last part of the day, but we decided to leave just a little early and make a trip to McD's beforehand - but on the way into Caledonia our car broke and we had to get dad to come pick us up from McDonalds and then we had to follow him home in the car...so Libby missed the whole day of school! Then when dad was good to get the rest of the way home, we went back into Caledonia to visit with my good buddy Marie Joynt from church - then we came home to have Chewie's wings for dinner. Very good! My old boss even made "mine" exactly the way I like them and marked "JACQUIE" on the little styrofoam box! My uncle Chris and cousins Eric and Kristen came to have dinner so it was super fun.

I woke up Tuesday morning after only another 4 hours sleep, with paper towels rolled in my head because Libby felt like making me girly for the day. My hair...was...so...curly. Like, totally sick! Anyways...this day was going to be rather uneventful as planned because I only had a dentist and doctor's appointment scheduled for the day. I got into Hamilton at 9 for the dentist, had a small cavity filled and then went to the bank on Mt. Albion between appointments for a little visit with my old work girls. Then to the doctor. Then I picked up my buddy Sid for a coffee and a slurpee and a long chat at the Brow. Then I went home for dinner (fish n chips out of the freezer) and then Libby and I left for our "Becoming" (used to be our girls youth small group) reunion. We had more chicken wings and all the Tim Tam Slams we could handle and had a really great time, I think.

Wednesday started with a big sleep in (10:20 am...and I will still groggy; I knew my body would try to catch up at some point) and then off to Helena's house for coffee, pictures, grilled cheese sandwiches and a trip to the park with her kids. It went way longer than I had expected, but that's how it usually goes with Helena time. I then went shopping for wedding clothes and was back just in time to pick Libby up from her friend's house for dinner. We had pork tenderloins and a greek salad that I bought from the Tavern (they have THE best greek salads. ever.), and then I left for Jen Hurrell's house in Newmarket so we could hang out for the night. We tried watching a movie (Sahara) but ended up talking instead. We went to sleep around 2; she on the couch and I on the floor (I like sleeping on her floor for some reason).

Thursday was Canada's Wonderland. Yay. We got up, ate breakfast, went to WalMart to get money and sunscreen (which I decided not to get coz I brought some with me from home), and then went to Wonderland from 10-6:30. I realized that I had brought sunscreen from home, but left it at Jen's house. You can probably imagine that I look like a lobster, now. We got back from Wonderland, had Harvey's, Reid's Dairy for ice cream and came home to attempt watching Sahara again. I fell asleep half an hour into the movie and slept for 11 hours.

Got up at 8:30 this morning, ate breakfast and left when she left for work. I decided that the quarter tank of gas in my car *should* last me to Caledonia for my hair appointment...but had to stop in downtown Hamilton on Main St East for a top up. Went up the Upper James escarpment instead of back on the highway, and tailed a cop the whole way from downtown to the bus depot in Mt Hope. It was a gutsy thing of me, using a cop as a heatbag, but it was pretty thrilling. I got to Caledonia and walked into First Choice for my appointment and found out the girl was slightly loopy when she scheduled my appointment and put me in for NEXT Friday. Yeah, I don't plan on being int he country next Friday and this wedding is TOMORROW...ugh. So I went to the supermarket to buy a bleach highlight kit and will con mom into doing it for me tonight.

Now I'm home...writing this and feeling VERY hot to the touch on my shoulders and chest. Mike just woke up and is wandering around so I figure he'll be looking to use the internet soon, and I'm gunna find me some lunch.

On the agenda for today: nothing. Just dying hair. May just relax for the rest of the day, unless Nicki wants me to come out tonight and stay the night before the wedding tomorrow.

The agenda for the weekend: best friend's wedding tomorrow, reception at night, church sunday morning, alternative sunday night...Monday will likely be spent with Nicki and the family.

Craziness. I'm so busy. Today should be a good relaxing day.

Sorry this is so long - imagine what it feels like to be DOING all this in less than 9 days!

LAX

Hello from LA airporteveryone!

Srry about the terribe typing - it's a terribblekeyboard

I've flown 15 hours so far and have cutit close for my flights every time i transfer but it's all good. in fact i shoudl be at my gate right now coz theyre about to board so i should go.

but wantd to say hi and i'm sleepy - only running on 2 hours of half-sleep.

take care and keep ya postd when i get to canada!

It'll all be alright; I'll be home tonight; I'm comin' back home...

Well tonight is my last night in Te Anau for 2 weeks. Tomorrow at 8 am I am leaving for Gore, which is almost 2 hours away - and then from there I am going to a Young Adults Camp for Friday and Saturday, where I will be leading worship, apparently. I got a call from one of the girls who is helping to plan and run it, and she said that the worship leader backed out and so therefore, would I be willing to do an acoustic worship set?

Hmm. Wow. I'm not cool with that but whatever...I said yes coz I knew they'd be pretty desperate I guess.

But anyways, tonight I had a meeting with the student volunteers who are helping with Belinda while I'm gone - and Belinda is the one who is taking over the centre for me. I "hired" two new volunteers tonight, and they seem pretty stoked about helping.

Anyways when we were done meeting, I kicked them all out...without even taking a second thought that I won't be seeing them for two weeks now. It's kinda sad because I already miss the little ratbags! Even the one who used to give me a lot of grief when he first started coming to youth!

But I made a mark on a few of the boys by spiking their hair really crazy before they went home to their father. hehe...I'm excited to get a reaction next time I talk to Iain about his boys' hair.

So yeah...I just finished cleaning up my office and making it suitable for Belinda to come take over...and now I"m about to head home for tea, to pack my suitcases and go watch McLeod's daughters with Bethany later on. I feel like I'm missing something but of course I can't think of it. Oh well. It's not like I'm leaving forever.

But it still is kinda sad. I know I'll miss these people, even if I won't miss the frustrating situations that are going down at the present moment. The kids are great, and every one of them had a slight devastation when I said "I'm leaving tomorrow" and purposely didn't follow it with "...for two weeks" haha. I wanted to see what reaction I got and they were all pretty gutted about it.

Anyways, I should probably be going. I will be in Pukerau for the next two nights, and then on a plane to Toronto on the following night. I'm pretty excited, to say the least. I miss my family and friends!

See you all soon!

Happy Queens Birthday Weekend

Today has been an okay day.

We had a really amazing speaker come here for Queens Birthday weekend, which is also Pentecost weekend...his name is Samuel January and he's from South Africa. He spoke all weekend about the Holy Spirit.

It was kinda weird because everything he said in the two teaching sessions were things I had already learned in my Briercrest course that I just completed (with an 81% might I add! w00t!), but never have I personally applied any of the information.

I came to realize that even though I had come here with an open mind and hoping to learn something about the Holy Spirit in ways that I had never heard before, I have been influenced by all these negative feelings I get from the PEOPLE. I think to myself "these people claim to have the Holy Spirit...these people that I just cannot agree with in their doctrine, their actions, their motives...so why would I want any of that?".

I spoke to Samuel about this...and he said that he knows what I mean. He can understand how it is that I have come to be like this, because the only exposure to the "Holy Spirit stuff" has been a negative people experience and it's hard to look beyond that. But he also said that it is a faith building thing, that instead of saying "I refuse to accept it BECAUSE of the circumstances", I can choose to say "I DO accept it DESPITE the circumstances"...if that makes sense.

Anyways, now I have healing that needs to be done. He prayed for me several times and I couldn't stop crying. He knew how I felt even before I told him. I'm lonely. I'm broken. I've plateaued and bitterness and anger has held me back from moving forward and looking to where I should be.

So it was good. But now I have work to do. On myself.



But that was this weekend. Today is a different story.

I am coming home (which is kind of a top secret thing from some of the youth in Caledonia, so hussshhh) in less than a week, and I'm SO excited to be able to see my family and friends and go to Nicki's wedding! I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but my highschool best friend is getting married and her fiance offered to pay for my flight home for the wedding to make Nic happy. I plan on fully paying him back whenever I can afford it, but he said he's not too worried about it coz it's not like I'm taking off on them at any time...

So anyways, I found out that even though I'm leaving from Dunedin on the 11th, I have been invited to a young adults spiritual camp this weekend, starting on the 9th and ending on the 11th. It's for people who don't hang out with Christians our age very much and it's mostly just a refresher and a relaxer for a while. So I'll get a good regeneration before I go back home for the wedding!

But I was a little concerned coz I had no idea how I was going to get to Pukerau, and then to Dunedin because I don't want to drive my car (which I don't trust) in possible frosty weather and I've never been to either of those places, let alone driven to them all alone! But the girl who's organized it just let me know today that I can take a bus to her place in Gore, then I can go with her to Pukerau, and then on the Sunday, someone who is from Dunedin will drive me back with them, or failing that, she will take me herself. And I'll give her petrol money for it of course!

So now I feel like things are sorted and I'm really glad that she was willing to help me out in order for me to come this weekend. Failing a ride from Pukerau, I would not be able to go at all this weekend so I'm really glad that I'm able to go now. Someone is arranged to take my place while the centre is open and so that's yet another thing I don't have to worry about.


But one thing that will be on my mind a lot is going to be "What is happening while I'm gone?", meaning that there is a lot of crap going down right now amidst people on the board and I'm getting really sick of the drama that comes with being involved with some of these people. But it is being said that all things will be sorted out by the time I get back so that things can go on as normal when I return, and that I should not stress about it while I'm home with my family. But I doubt I'll be able to keep my mind off the people and situations going down here while I'm away. I'll likely be in regular contact with at least Iain, probably Karl and likely even Rae. I'll check in with Belinda to make sure the centre's running smoothly and I'll email Bethany to ask if she misses me yet. I think that going home for a while will make me realize that I truly do love it here as well, and that I will be missing a great thing when I return back to Canada in December.


Anyways, that's enough for tonight I guess. It's been a hard week, but I've survived it and hopefully come out with a positive attitude and with a determination to make things better.

This will work out.

This Week

Well this week has been quite interesting, to say the least. To be honest, it has been pretty upsetting and a little stressful. We have encountered a snag in the youth program and the people overseeing the youth worker position. It seems there is little communication going on between members and eachother, as well as between members and myself.

There is a goal, for this ministry and community program, to have a united front in youth work between the churches, looking beyond denomination splits and having different youth programs for different "kinds" of kids. And there has been a bit of tension this week because some people have started making plans to restart an old youth program because my program has not been hitting the senior kids. Well it would be fine in any other situation, except that these are people ON the board that are overseeing the youth work who have decided to do their own thing.

So it's a little frustrating because of the goals and hopes I have set out as a youth worker this year - and it feels like the program hasn't been given enough of a chance to "work" or "not work" if that makes sense.

Anyways - it's been hard. A lot of things that probably weren't meant to hurt or offend have been pretty painful for me to swallow this week.

But I have had confirmation once again that what we are doing is the right thing. I have had questions about whether or not holding youth group at the youth centre is the right choice. I've also had questions about whether or not it's worth even trying to outreach to the senior high kids because they never show up. Ever. Except one who has been wonderful, but it's discouraging to even her, I think, because it's only ever her that shows up.

But anyways - like I said, there has been a great confirmation because last night I looked around at the kids who came...and of the 15(!!!) kids there, at least 5 of them have come only since we've started holding it at the youth centre. There were 2 or 3 absolutely brand new kids there, that I had never seen before in my life! One showed up with her mother, and I don't know if she knew it was a Christian program being run...but she stayed anyways even when I told her that. And she enjoyed herself, I think. It's great!

So the fact that there were so many kids there last night (there are normally only about 6-8) and they had a good time and enjoyed sharing about their weeks and listening to my message and stuff...they got the point of what I was saying and even immediately acted upon it. How awesome is that?!?!

I left with a big smile on my face and confirmation in my heart that we are doing nothing wrong as far as the decisions we have made. I am no longer splitting my resources in half and having the senior half used in vain - I am concentrating on the kids who will be in the senior program in two or three years and will be the strong, core kids to show up. I'm not giving up on the seniors, but I will do things in a different way - not by programs, but by getting in there with the community programs and dances we want to get started.

So anyways, today I'm feeling a lot better than I was, say, Wednesday night. It's great to have such a quick answer to prayer - when I showed up at small group on Wednesday already upset, people were concerned that I wasn't my usual, bubbly, disruptive self. Then I got a text that sent me over the edge and made me cry almost the whole rest of the hour and a half we did our study. The people there were SO great and supportive and stopped immediately to ask what's going on and to pray for me, and it really reminded me that there ARE people here who really care about me, even though they're older than me and probably don't have the same personality or interests as I do...

It's been an up and down week, but I think it's ending on a fairly positive note. And it is also forcing me to probably swallow my non-confrontational side and take a stand about a few things I've had some real problems with about some of the people I *have* to associate with, not by my own choice to be honest.

But things'll get sorted out. Hopefully pain-free.

Ok. That's my week in review. I think I have to do a 5th Floor Update one of these days. And a newsletter...it looks like we only have two people who really knew what a "dunny" was! I may just declare them both winners.