"I've never been more homesick than now..."

Well the past 4 or 5 days have been full of odd sleeping patterns and a couple of shed tears. The sleep pattern has probably sorted itself out by now - as this morning was my first morning waking up at a decent hour; it was 8:40 when I looked at my cellphone.

Now most of you are groaning, saying "I wish THAT was a normal wake up time for me"...but honestly, when the previous three nights were 6:30, 4:30 and 5:30, waking up at 8:40 is a WELCOME thing when that is my normal wake up time on a regular working day (hey, youth work doesn't happen in the mornings!).

The shed tears have been mostly when I'm talking to people on MSN from back home. Or reading encouraging emails from people from my church (thank you Marie, Steve and Christa). Or replying to those emails. Or thinking about my family and friends that seem to have grown up so much even in the past 5 months.

Okay so I've been crying a lot.

I know that I've always wanted to come to New Zealand and try to make a living for myself...to see the sights and hear the sounds and pet a koala (which, I learned, you won't find here unless at a zoo). I've wanted to meet Lucy Lawless and visit the gardens where that woman was murdered by her daughter and daughter's best friend (yes, morbid, I know...but interesting). I've wanted to see a kiwi (the bird, not the fruit) in real life and actually succeed in my quest for the ever-elusive blue duck.

Anyways, what I'm saying is that I'm only probably feeling this down because I feel like I have been here for so long and haven't done anything that I really wanted to do, besides youth work. And I do realize that the youth work is probably the most important thing I could do here, but I want to take time to do something for me. And I can't without a lot of money and a little extra time. I say I need a lot of money to do it because petrol prices are through the roof, and I don't trust my car to go where I would want for it to go. I want to see New Zealand, and right now all New Zealand is to me is this central-sou-western area of the whole country...and a bit of the Auckland airport. I just feel like I haven't done any "me" things...but I suppose that may be selfish.

Well anyways...that's sort of my rant for the day. You'll notice that I've been pretty down since being back from Canada, which is understandable. And I know that when December comes I'll be just as sad to leave here and will think "where did the time go?" (I've heard people tell me that enough for it to be engrained in my head)...but for now I am just going to be honest and say that I want to come home.

I guess that's the end for now. Sorry to make this so depressing. I'll live.