2:00 am Ramblings

We hates it when we can't sleep, we does. Yesss, preciousss.

So it's after 2 am and this is the latest I've stayed up in quite a while. I have been trying, while unable to sleep, to contact the shelter about adopting the adorable "Hobo" - the cat I want to adopt who has a neurological problem that makes her wobbly on her feet. How cute that would be. A drunk cat. hehe...

But it's not the reason I'm staying up. In fact I told myself that tonight I should just try to go to sleep so I can wake up early enough to ring them perhaps in the afternoon hours for them - which means waking up before 8 am (which is, for some reason, a near impossibility these days). But alas, I am stuck absolutely wide awake, which is not something that has happened to me in quite a while. Normally I can at least be half asleep tossing and turning in bed - but that is often more aggravating than not being tired at all, I suppose. At least I'm still coherent enough to do stuff like...make phone calls to people who aren't answering and...looking up pictures and information on cool people.

And...wishing I could sleep, to be honest.

But I guess there is always time for sleep. I think I heard once that if we live to be 70 or something, we will have slept for 30 of those years. Weird hey?

Tomorrow is the night I break it to the youth that I'm going home sooner than expected. I don't know exactly how they'll react...but hopefully the pizza and DVD will distract them enough that they don't notice the sadness in my voice.

The new structure that Bethany and I developed has been an absolute flop. It's quite apparent that kids in this town just don't care about a whole lot. It's difficult to run a youth program when the kids don't show up. And then when I ask THEM to tell what sorts of things they would be interested in, they don't even care enough to fill me in...so it seems like a hopeless cause here but instead of calling it that, I will refer to it as something that requires an experience community youth worker with a long term vision and dedication to this project, as I am having a hard time figuring out what to do.

It's just another way that God is showing me to come home - a lot of brick walls are shooting up in front of the plans and hopes and it's apparent that my time has come, and someone else needs to come in and start carrying on from the foundation we've set up.

Having finally officially submitted my letter of resignation, I have heard back from only one trust member who has made sure to encourage me and let me know that I should not underestimate what I have achieved here. It was nice of him to say - as it is often difficult to not feel like a failure when nothing you try seems to work out.

So I have 3 more weeks of the Edge to run and then we'll be having a year end sleep over bash, as the kids tend to keep asking to do that again. I'm sure we'll bring back all the favourite games for them to play and I might even try to plan a community dance for the evening before we get the youth group sleepover kicked off. Go out with one big bang, that's what I say.

With that said, I will give the shelter one final phone call - though I don't understand how they can actually successfully find homes for these animals (especially the one with the deadline on his life) if they never answer their phones or emails. It's kind of frustrating, especially knowing that they HAVE been updating their website the past week or so...so I know someone's there, I just don't know why they haven't answered my calls or gotten back to me by email when I've clearly stated that I'm trying to work with a time zone difference here and they don't have clearly stated office hours.

If they don't answer this time, I'm going to bed. As I've probably said before, this may be a lesson in patience for me. I need to believe, I guess, that if they will not get a hold of me, Hobo will still be available for me to adopt when I get home if that's how it's meant to be.

I hope I can sleep though. I don't know why I'm not tired. Harumph.