The Countdown Begins...

Today I went into Invercargill - which is roughly an hour and forty-five minute drive each way - to show up in person to set a date to fly home. I have had an open ended ticket up until now and I found out that I may have to pay a bigtime fee to actually set a date for the flight itself - $200 CAD plus $50 NZD. Not good when I'm trying to save money AND pay for a ministry gift.

Anyways, the lady said that the booking of the open ended ticket was quite strange, as it is a very rare thing for anyone to book actual open ended tickets. What they normally do, apparently, is set a date anyways and then you have to pay money to switch the date. But this one was ACTUALLY open ended so the lady asked the supervisor and he said not to charge me the $200 CAD to change the date, since there was no date to change.

Let me tell you that this made me VERY happy. God has really been providing and showing me in little ways that He hasn't left me all along, even when sometimes it feels like I've been all alone here.

So it's official. My flight is leaving Queenstown, New Zealand at 3:15 pm on Friday 8 September. It will be getting into Toronto, Canada at 10:40 pm also on the 8 September. This leaves 39 sleeps until my departure. It feels very far away, but I'm sure it will go by far too quickly by the time I get to it.

I won't be able to tell the kids until next Friday, leaving probably only about 4 weeks for them to know before I actually go. The kids are gone all this week and the only youth to really know about this so far has been Donald. I'll miss him.

The other day in church, I was sitting there thinking about my decision to leave and I finally started to notice all the things and people that I *will* miss. I never want to say that I'll be leaving here with only negative feelings because I have met friends here that I will have a hard time saying goodbye to. My first wee tearful moment was on Sunday morning when Hannah (my friend Bethany and Richard's 1 & 1/2 year old daughter) saw me from across the church, insisted that mum let her off the chair in a way only babies can, and ran over to me with arms stretched out for me to sit her on my lap. It was a precious moment and that's when I got pretty teary. I am looking forward to watching my nephew Jayden grow up (he's the same age as Hannah), but I'm going to miss that with Hannah and her little best friend Scarlett (friend Iain and Sheree's baby).

I make it sound like I have reason to think that this has been nothing but a negative experience. I guess I could just say that I now understand why my high school music teacher, Sue Smith, decided to retire from teaching while she still enjoyed it. I have had a lot of good times here and I need to remember those before I can say goodbye to this country.

When I drove home from Invercargill today, I took a different route than usual, called the "Southern Scenic Route". It takes you all along the southern coast of the country, and I quite enjoyed pulling over to see waves of the Tasman Sea crashing against the beach and rocks and hills. I know I've been to different oceans before on a cruise ship and in Newfoundland, but I never really noticed the sheer power of the waters. It was breath taking!

To follow a bit of a tradition that my friend Kate and I have (that I learned from her cousin, Ruth), I will start working on a list of things that I will miss when I leave here. It will help me to remember to appreciate everything I've experienced here, both delightful and difficult. I will post it not necessarily for everyone to enjoy, but so that I can look back on it in the future and remember the things I love about this country. Because even though this blog has been a good way for you all to keep updated on my life, I mostly am glad that I'll be able to look back at this hundred-and-something posts to remind myself of what God did for me and for the youth of Te Anau in these past 7 months.

While reading up on the information about the Parker-Hulme murder case, I saw a quote from Pauline Parker's sister, Wendy, that went something like this:

"I don't think they understood the finality of death."

I think that one of the reasons I am so keen to get home and see what God has in store for me is perhaps because I don't quite realize the potential finality of this decision. It hasn't quite sunk in that I could very well never end up back here again, though I would hate for it to turn out that way. But I don't think it has actually processed in my mind that I certainly won't be able to afford to come back here for quite some time. The thought is perhaps a little too daunting for me to handle so my mind is subconsciously pushing it back to keep emotions from running too high. I need to focus on what is here, now, as well as what is ahead for me.

I may be rambling a lot lately, but I think that it's not only important for you to know what is happening in my physical life, but what sort of thought processes a person goes through while abroad for a learning experience. It wouldn't be a truthful blog if I only included the happy stuff and reports of fun times and successful programs, because it *is* very hard to be so far away from anything familiar on your own, getting used to a whole different culture and learning how to adjust.

I seem to remember part of my onSite interview, when I was being assessed for my eligibility for this overseas program. I was asked "how would you cope with being away from your friends and family, so far and for so long?"...and I specifically remember answering something along the lines of "I will have absolutely no problem. I've been away from family for 3 years already and I can't say it's been overly traumatic so far."

Most people, after coming back from their onSite experience, seem to have grown so much more mature and wise and have developed a real passion for the location they were placed in. Many of them want to return or at least make sure they are involved in missions for the rest of their lives. It's surprising that I had my heart set on living in Australia or New Zealand for the rest of my life BEFORE coming here...and I'm one of the few who will come back and say "Yup, okay. Good experience but I'll stick with Canada, thanks."

As I've said before, one of the things I have learned about myself is that I *do* need to be with my family and friends, and that I really am a homebody. More than I ever could have pictured or imagined. I used to wonder how my best friend Nicki could say that she just can't see herself living too far away from her mom or sister, and she couldn't understand how I would want to move so far away (that was when Regina or Calgary was considered far). Now I understand where she is coming from.

I have learned some serious lessons being here, and a lot of them are not necessarily related to a future in youth ministry. I will have to learn that elsewhere I guess, but I have learned a lot about myself and I'm proud of myself for having stuck it out this long because my normal reaction IS to run away at the first sign of difficulty or frustration. That would have been within the first two months of my time here and I think I've come a long way, even though it might look like I'm *still* running away.

I know in my heart that God did want me here for a reason. And now that purpose has been fulfilled and it's time to move on and find what He has next for me. I feel completely happy and confident in my decision to go home, and God has been opening doors and confirming it all over the place (even in the financial aspect, with me not having to actually pay the giant fees that I probably normally would have, and I think that the lady I spoke to and the timing was perfect because it took someone with patience and understanding to sit there and listen to me ramble and give a lot of "i don't know"s about how the ticket ended being booked the way it was...she was in a good mood and was being extremely accommodating and understanding and I didn't even have to ask her about the fees, she just said that she would not charge me).

Some people may not believe me when I say it, but God has confirmed my return date. In more ways than one and I know that can be a manipulative card to play (the "God told me to" card), but it really is the truth.

Wow so this is an EXTREMELY long entry. I apologize to those of you who have actually gotten through all of this and wondered "so what exactly has she been saying this whole time?". I think that often I don't speak my heart enough to people because it takes me while to get comfortable enough with them to open up coz I often end up crying in the end. What can I say;I inherited my mother's uncontrollable hormones. So when I finally start to type out the things I've been feeling lately, I just keep on rambling. So perhaps I don't apologize for having taken up so much space, because it's theraputic for me and something I probably need to do if I'm doing it. :)

So with all that being said, I am now going to take part in another theraputic activity; making a cup of Milo (it's kinda like Ovaltine. I'll bring some back for y'all to try coz it's way better) and putting on an episode or two of McLeod's Daughters (again, for those of you who care enough, you will get your fair amount of exposure to this show, as I am now the proud owner of 2 of the 5 seasons on DVD). Tomorrow is a long and empty day, since all the kids are gone on their ski trips.

These are Jacquie's feelings lately. Hope you enjoyed!

39 Sleeps!