A Little Lighter...

I feel rather wonderful tonight.

I sat at home this afternoon, being lazy and trying to get some rest in before a long haul of reading ahead of me. Then I got a text from Katrina asking if I'd do PowerPoint/Sound tonight for her because she was asked to sing.

In a bit of a fizzy mood, I said "Ok" (again, not sticking up for myself and saying "no") and went to church when I was supposed to have the night off. It's part of this new plan where I go to all 3 churches that I've plugged myself into completely equally so I'm not showing favourites and not having people assume that I do things a certain way because of any denominational influence in town.

Anyways, the point is, I wasn't supposed to go to TCC tonight coz I went last week - and in order to keep it even, I have to skip every other week. So I went, and I was in a bit of a scruffy mood most of the night.

But even though I spent the entirety of the sermon playing spider solitaire on the computer (with the proper powerpoint screen paused on the wall), I was listening quite intently to John's sermon. He talked about submission and how the bottom line is that we are not going to live the way God wants us to unless we submit.

That's been a prevailing theme in my life over the past year and a half or so.

Also, this morning at the Prezzy church, another John (Karl wasn't there so a man from the church preached) talked about the kinds of love that are in the world, and how we should love. It wasn't necessarily anything new, but it was a great refresher that really hit home to me with how I've been feeling the past couple of days.

Anyways, when I got home, I let John (my host parent, John...and the TCC pastor) in on how I was feeling a little tonight. He said that I've looked stressed and discouraged and assumed it was about my book report that I've been trying to do for weeks now. Anyways, I actually opened up and got a lot of things off my chest. I cried, a little, too...which was odd. I don't like to cry in front of men - especially men I hardly know.

But it was so great to be able to TALK to someone about issues. Not to email or to write them down in a journal that hardly anyone can read (not this one - my personal one). But it confirmed that I have to, very soon, get a mentor to be able to talk to - someone detached completely from the youth ministry trust team (my bosses) and people I work directly with and/or under.

He also encouraged me to go out in the next week or two for a couple of days - take a tent and a bible and spend some time alone. Get away from distractions. Refocus. Renovate.

It's a good idea. I'd already thought of it but I didn't want to ask if I could take off and not work for a few days. But I think he understands (and I know Karl will too) what's most important and I'm glad he encouraged me to do that. I'll do it after the 40 Hour Famine details get a little more smoothed out. So probably next Monday/Tuesday. Maybe even this coming Wednesday and Thursday...who knows? I don't plan on when I'm going to do it, but one of these days I'm just gunna go.

Anyways, I'm feeling a little more encouraged. I've had a few heavy things that I've taken on my shoulders lately and I'm starting to work towards letting them go. I think this new journey is going to be a good one.

Difficult. But good.

So that's where I'm at right now. No specific events to report...just feelings.

Which is good enough, I suppose?

Time for sleep.